just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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