I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
