All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
