There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
