Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
