Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
What a dumb baby whore.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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