Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
