I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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