idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
