For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
