the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I need to calm my uterus...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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