all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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