if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
fuck your aforementioned shoe
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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