reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
