I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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