I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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