I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I AM VODKA MAN
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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