id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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