i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
