the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just cut my nipple shaving
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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