i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
