apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you win again, gameday.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize