you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
