I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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