do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
