I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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