i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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