he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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