Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
