your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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