idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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