I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
