"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
