I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
