From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
fuck your aforementioned shoe
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
