Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
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I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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