i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
