Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
