Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
