Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
All the doctor said was why
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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