Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
