Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
