I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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