if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
