I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
