I love black thongs
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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