Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
