Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
