if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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