Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
