Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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