these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
