my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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