If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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