Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
