u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
