Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
