Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Can you bring me the toilet please
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
