I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
