Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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