To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i've created a new STD.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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