I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
