I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
