my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
