Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he fucked my hip out of place.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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