I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
