if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
