Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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