I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
