this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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