I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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