Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
