were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Houston, we have a blender
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
