If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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