So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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