One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
