This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
