she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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